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An old farmer and his young son were taking their donkey to the market. The two of them walked along a path with the donkey beside them. They didn’t ride the donkey because they didn’t want the animal to get tired.

On their way, they met some people who laughed at them.

“You and your son are so foolish,” they said. “Why are you both walking when at least one of you could ride the donkey?”

The farmer thought those people were right, and he made his son ride the donkey. They went on a bit further and met a group of older persons.

“You are so foolish,” they said to the farmer. “How could you let your young son ride the donkey while you walk? Tell him to get down and let you ride instead.”

So the son got off the donkey and his father rode the animal. A little further along the path, they came across a group of women going to market.

“You are foolish and hard-hearted,” they said to the father. “How could you ride the donkey and leave your poor son to walk?”

The father then made his son ride behind him on the donkey. They had not traveled far when they met another group of people.

“You are cruel,” a man shouted at them. “How could you treat a dumb animal like that? Do you want to kill the poor donkey with all that weight?”

By this time, the market was close by, and the farmer wanted to get a good sale for the donkey. So he and his son decided to carry the donkey the rest of the way. They tied the donkey’s legs together and slung it from a pole that they hoisted on their shoulders.

When they reached the town, people laughed at the sight of these two men carrying a donkey.

“You are both so foolish,” the people said. “Don’t you know the donkey is supposed to carry you?”

The people laughed so hard that the donkey started to bray and kick. The rope that held him to the pole broke, and the donkey ran away. So the farmer and his son walked back home without the donkey and without the money from the sale of the donkey.

“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them. “Please all and you will please none.

Aesop

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Faith

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

At the end of October, I had an idea. I’ve had MANY ideas in the past, but this time I made the decision to dedicate myself to this particular idea. For the past two months, I’ve been consumed with making the idea a reality (The reason for my lack of blog postings). After blindly taking the first step, everything began to fall in place to let me know I was on the right path. There was no writer’s block while writing scripts; I had a chance meeting with the actress who I envisioned for the lead role from the inception of the idea; and a longtime friend stepped in to help me get the project running without me even asking.

I’ve never been a stranger to faith. In my 20’s, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a dream; I created a publishing company and published my first novel; I traveled solo to destinations outside of the US. I had enough faith to move mountains. Back then, it was easy for me to hang out with faith because I didn’t have mountains in my path. Now at 35+, I feel like I’m meeting faith for the first time. The faith that I befriended last year was born from tall, rocky mountains that attempted to block the breathtaking view of my path. I’m now certain that all of the hiking and sliding and climbing that I did in 2011, was preparation for this project. I’m now in the best shape of my life! And with my new buddy of faith, there is no doubt that it’s possible to reach the top of the staircase one step at a time.

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Ego

Six Components of Ego (according to Wayne Dyer)

1. I AM what I have

2. I AM what I do

3. I AM what other people think of me

4. I AM separate from everybody else

5. I AM separate from what’s missing in my life

6. I AM separate from God

In my 20’s, I was never aware of my Ego. I always called it self-confidence. It wasn’t until Eckert Tole’s “The New Earth” that I became aware of not only the power of the Ego, but the unconditional power I had given mine. Over the last few years, the different components of the Ego have been revealed to me and I think Wayne Dyer’s list is a great guide to discovering your Ego. Throughout my 20’s, I filled my mind to capacity of what I should have, where I should be, why I should have, and who I should be. These thoughts and expectations have blocked my creativity, my judgement, and my greatness. Since coming to terms with my Ego, I now call it out when it appears by just making a mental acknowledgement of, “That’s my Ego!” This simple action has decreased its presence in my life.  At 35+, I’m no longer defending my Ego… I’m living empty.

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Light

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

This week I learned the importance of letting your light shine. For years, I’ve been guilty of dimming my own light in fear of blinding not only others, but myself. I was always trying to make others comfortable – I was always trying to make myself comfortable. I was also afraid of the reaction people would have after witnessing my brightness – And I was constantly afraid of the responsibility of retaining the brightness. In my 20’s, I made an unconscious decision to only reveal parts of me that I felt matched the situation. If I was among writers, I was a writer. If I was among the television community, I worked in Post. If I was among a discontented person, I was an unfulfilled friend. I was always changing to fit in so it’s really not a surprise that I was confused and uncomfortable with my true identity as a whole.

In two different meetings this week, I did something that I normally don’t do — I introduced Kim, the writer. After shining the light, I immediately tried to adjust it by defending my writing. The person stopped me and said, “It’s okay, I’m also a writer.” At that moment something clicked. Not only was I accepted with open arms, but I discovered that others have the same layers that I thought were unique to me. I realized it was okay. Actually, it had always been okay. It was me — For all of those years, I constantly made the choice, out of fear, to shrink myself small enough to fit comfortably in any situation.

Since I started hugging my passions, I am now embracing myself as everything that I am and I’m finally starting to be comfortable in the light. At 35+, I’m no longer dimming my light. I no longer need shades and I’m not responsible for any blinding that may occur. I’ve finally accepted and connected the many pieces of me and today my choice is to stand tall, brightness and all.

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Time

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up knowing that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. And every morning a lion wakes up knowing that it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle; when the sun comes up you’d better be running.” – Unknown

In my 20’s, I always thought I had time. Time to travel… Time to start my writing… Time to make a difference… time to succeed… time to achieve my greatness…

However, as I’ve aged to a wiser 35+, I now know that time isn’t mine to claim. Within the last few weeks, the handful of unexpected deaths that I’ve come across in the media and in the personal lives of Facebook friends, have really got me to think about time and my toxic dependency to it.

One word that I’ve always used to describe myself is “procrastinator”. And I’ve always justified it by claiming that I work my best under pressure. But now I recognize it as just another excuse added to the many that I’ve planted in my head and have faithfully watered over the years.  “I can’t because of my job”; I can’t because I have writer’s block”; ” I can’t because I’m not ready.” These excuses have all been created and justified because I always thought, “I had time.”

But last week it hit me… I have to stop abusing time.  I have to stop using valuable time visualizing what will happen when I finally decide to begin running. I have to stop using costly energy whining about bad knees or why I can’t run. Every morning, I have to get up and start running to capture my greatness.  Every day I have to dedicate myself to live my best life today instead of depending on it to happen “one day”.  And every night, my movements of the day should afford me the opportunity to appreciate every second of the time granted to me.

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Celebration

“If you’re not living your life at such a level that pee isn’t running down your leg, then you’re living too small.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Today, I celebrate my 35+ birthday. My past birthdays have always been about the external celebrations: trips, parties, people, Mrs. Beasley’s cake. However, this year, I’m going to try something different.

The past few years have really been a journey of self discovery for me. When I was told I was being let go at my job two years ago, my first thought was, “Yes! I can go to Disneyland on my birthday!” since it was the following Tuesday. After that initial thought, my mind immediately told me it was finally time to pursue my passion, so I went into double-speed, action mode and it turned out to be the best year of my life. However, I didn’t realize how devastated I would later become, not because I was happy and/or passionate about the job, but because 1.) I had never been let go from a job and 2.) It was a place where I had become comfortable.  So, after the positive and productive year, my ego remained bruised. Even though my mind didn’t want to care about anything attached to the job, I was still angry and didn’t understand why I couldn’t let it go.

I have been dreading and dodging the hard work it takes to actively participate in the journey since my 20’s. I pretended to want to put in the work by buying self-help books that I never completed and doing soul-searching without even opening myself up to allow the digging to begin. I even went as far as thinking that I could maybe speak it into existence. For the past couple of years, God has been trying to get my attention to let me know it was time. It started with small taps that I ignored, then hits that I procrastinated to acknowledge, and finally a push that literally knocked me off the pedestal. Thanks to Oprah’s Lifeclass, I’ve learned that when you’re comfortable, you’re not growing. And all of this time, I had been ignoring all the signs around me because I had settled in a cozy, over-sized chair on the pedestal with a  snugly blanket – I was so comfortable.

Since I am now walking on this journey instead of speeding my way through like I’ve attempted to do in the past, I can now see why I had to be let go from that job. And at 35+, I no longer want to be comfortable. I want to live with pee running down my leg at all times! So, today, I’m celebrating Kim! I’m celebrating the journey! I’m celebrating living big!

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Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” – Oprah Winfrey

In my 20’s, if you did me wrong, you were forever on the “List”. Now, I could always continue to be cordial, but forget about enjoying the full benefits of my friendship.  I always equated forgiving someone with weakness or accepting the wrong that was done. Yesterday, a dear friend provided a different definition and of course, it was defined by Oprah. As I let the definition penetrate my mind all night, I realized that there are a few things in my past that I would want to change. And the things I would change have nothing to do with the names on the list. In fact, many highlights of my life have resulted from the “wrongs.”

Is it possible that at 35+, I could have yet another major breakthrough? All of these years, I have allowed the wrongs to consume me at times causing inefficiency, anger, and  depression.  I realize that this has blocked the flow of positive and creative energy and have stifled the growth of becoming the being I desire and am destined to be. So, it’s time to start forgiving and forgetting! I’m so looking forward to this new journey. I’m still not sure how I’m going to get there but I’m ready to take the wheel and start driving.

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