“If you’re not living your life at such a level that pee isn’t running down your leg, then you’re living too small.” – Iyanla Vanzant
Today, I celebrate my 35+ birthday. My past birthdays have always been about the external celebrations: trips, parties, people, Mrs. Beasley’s cake. However, this year, I’m going to try something different.
The past few years have really been a journey of self discovery for me. When I was told I was being let go at my job two years ago, my first thought was, “Yes! I can go to Disneyland on my birthday!” since it was the following Tuesday. After that initial thought, my mind immediately told me it was finally time to pursue my passion, so I went into double-speed, action mode and it turned out to be the best year of my life. However, I didn’t realize how devastated I would later become, not because I was happy and/or passionate about the job, but because 1.) I had never been let go from a job and 2.) It was a place where I had become comfortable. So, after the positive and productive year, my ego remained bruised. Even though my mind didn’t want to care about anything attached to the job, I was still angry and didn’t understand why I couldn’t let it go.
I have been dreading and dodging the hard work it takes to actively participate in the journey since my 20′s. I pretended to want to put in the work by buying self-help books that I never completed and doing soul-searching without even opening myself up to allow the digging to begin. I even went as far as thinking that I could maybe speak it into existence. For the past couple of years, God has been trying to get my attention to let me know it was time. It started with small taps that I ignored, then hits that I procrastinated to acknowledge, and finally a push that literally knocked me off the pedestal. Thanks to Oprah’s Lifeclass, I’ve learned that when you’re comfortable, you’re not growing. And all of this time, I had been ignoring all the signs around me because I had settled in a cozy, over-sized chair on the pedestal with a snugly blanket - I was so comfortable.
Since I am now walking on this journey instead of speeding my way through like I’ve attempted to do in the past, I can now see why I had to be let go from that job. And at 35+, I no longer want to be comfortable. I want to live with pee running down my leg at all times! So, today, I’m celebrating Kim! I’m celebrating the journey! I’m celebrating living big!